Unchained Melody

It is always so hard to start my blog. I have to reread what I wrote the day before and then figure out how to start the new entry. So today I am simply going to pick up where I left off:)

Joey called me that Sunday night and I remember getting the butterflies before answering the phone. He called my cell phone and I didn't recognize the number but somehow knew it was going to be him. We talked for about an hour and we set a time and date for our first date. He wanted to take me to a restaurant close to where we met, the name was Tellers. I'd never heard of it but knew it was a nice place. Already I was feeling anxious because I wasn't used to a guy wanting to take me to a nice place. He said he would pick me up and I explained that I lived far away and it would be back tracking. He didn't mind and insisted on picking me up. It turned out that the night of our date, my sister, who lived close to Tellers, asked me to pick up a book from my parents and drop it off to her on my way down. I was annoyed but like that good sister I am, told her I would do it. So Joey and I decide to meet at my parents. Weird, I know! I tell my parents I'm getting the book and my mom tells me they will be out to dinner around that time. Thank goodness:) There were only two days between the night we talked and the night we went out, so I didn't have much time to plan an outfit. I was so nervous that I changed my clothes at least five times. I didn't want to look too sexy, and I didn't want to look to casual. I decided I needed to look smart. Don't ask me why! Let me explain Joey. Very confident, friendly, funny, and did I mention confident. I couldn't quite figure out what his motive for going out with me was. Motive? Yes, that is how insecure I was. On one hand it was so nice to go out with someone who already knew I had a daughter. On the other hand I couldn't figure out why he would want to go out with me if he already knew I had a daughter. Guys like him didn't ask me out. I was so insecure that I couldn't wrap my head around it. It didn't make sense. So to keep myself from getting too close, or hurt. I put up a wall. It was a big, brick, giant wall.

Back to looking smart...

I decided to wear jeans (my butt always looked good in them) and a turquoise turtleneck sweater (it covered me and make me feel secure). I pulled up to my parents driveway and notice that their car is gone. Yes! I run inside, get my sister's book and as I'm walking out the front door, Joey is pulling into the driveway. I am literally running to his car to get out of there before my parents get home. Who meets someones parents on the first date? I'm almost to the car when my parents come pulling down the street. Great! Before I know it, they have him blocked in and my mom is getting out of the car. I'm not even sure my dad had come to a complete stop. He gets out of the car and walks straight up to her and introduces himself. She takes one look at us and says, "Oh my gosh! You guys dressed alike!" We look at each other and sure enough, we had. He was wearing a baby blue sweater with jeans. Not exactly the same but close enough. We both laughed it off. I guess he was going for a smart look, too. We drove down to my sisters, dropped off the book, and headed to dinner. The conversation flowed so easily. He asked me what had happened to Stan and how did I manage being a single mother. He was genuine in his concern with how I lived my life. It was as if he was fascinated by me and wanted to know everything there was to know about me. All the while, I'm thinking, I'm really not that interesting. Actually, if I told you everything I'd been through in the last five years, you would get up and run buddy! It didn't seem to bother him at all that I had a child. He was more concerned with how I did it and getting to know me for me. He told me all about his family and how he lost his dad at a young age. We talked about mutual people we knew and how funny it was that we had never bumped into each other before. Was this really happening? What is wrong with this guy? He's too good to be true. At one point during dinner, I looked over and there was an elderly couple sitting next to us. They were holding hands across the table sharing a bottle of wine. They looked like they truly loved each other. I made the comment that I would love to be like them one day. Joey looked and agreed that it was pretty cool to see such an old couple still able to enjoy one another. I think we both realized that we had a kindred spirit. It was like we had known each other our whole lives and I didn't want the night to end. I suggested calling our mutual friend who lived near by and meeting up for an after dinner drink. We met him and his girlfriend at a tiny little place around the corner. We were all laughing at Joey telling us jokes. Jokes that I can't believe he would tell on a first date! I really don't think it would have mattered what he said, I was hanging on his every word. We all laughed and carried on. He slides a napkin over to me and I see he has written something on it. I open it up and it says, "when can I see you again?" Man, he was smooth. I didn't even see him writing. I grab the pen and write, "when do you want to see me again?" Ha, ball back in your court sucker! He writes, "how about tomorrow?" WHAT?? This guy really likes me! I smile at him and tell him we'll have to work out the details later. We finally wrap up our night and say goodbye to our friends. As we are walking to the car he grabs my hand and I feel my stomach do a flip. I felt like Buddy from ELF, "I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love. And I don't care who knows it!" WAIT Rebecca, you said you weren't going to do this again. Take things slow. On the ride back to my car we discussed hanging out again. He was going to Florida for a long weekend and he wanted to hang out again before he left. No, Rebecca, say no! But how can I resist those beautiful blue eyes and that smile? He was so sweet! When we pulled into my parents driveway I didn't want to leave. We sat in the car talking for a while trying to drag out our date a little bit longer. Was he going to kiss me? I surely wasn't going to kiss him. Should I just open my door and bolt? I told him I needed to get going and leaned in to give him a hug. As I was pulling away, he kissed me. I swear there were fireworks and some song from Ghost playing. I was 100% smitten with this guy and knew I was going to end up heartbroken. How was I falling for him after one date? I must be the dumbest girl ever! Not this time. I ended up going to his place and watching him pack for his trip the very next night. We watched a movie and talked until I knew I had to go or else I would fall asleep. He called me every day that he was gone. His friends tell me that while under the influence, he rambled on about how he had found "the one." Little did they know, he had.

My confession: Even though my wall has crumbled, there is still a little bit left. As much as I am over things that have happened in my past, the scars are still there. I still fear that Joey can hurt me so I keep a little bit of that wall in tact. I have created the ultimate defense mechanism and I hate it!