New Year, New Me? Maybe, it's still early.

Hello All! I come to you today with an open heart and a need to share some personal insight. I know I'm a little late on the self help, New Years Resolution trend. However, I'm in awe of how much I need to vent my thoughts. When I started Confessions of a Teenage Mother, it was to scream from the mountain tops, "I'm a teenage mother and my daughter is awesome!" But, that's really not what happened. I was humbled by the support and love that showered me. Almost to a point of not wanting to write anymore. People's opinions were flowing in and it was very intimidating. I started worrying more about grammatical errors, and commas, and quotations, and run on sentences (am I doing one now?) and it became harder and harder to be authentic. Which brings me to this:

What does it mean to be authentic? We live in a world of insta-fix. We don't like a picture of ourselves, we filter it. We post everything we do and what our kids eat, drink, say, do. If we don't have kids then we post our pets, in some cases, both! Then we post pictures of ourselves being good parents at every game, school activity, date night, movie, vacation, etc. Don't get me wrong, social media is a great tool. I'm just as guilty as the next person. But why isn't anyone posting a video of their kid refusing to brush their teeth, or my personal favorite, refusing to shower!!! Or a picture of an email the teacher sent saying your kid was misbehaving in school, or the prescription of the anti-depressant you just picked up because you feel like you are hanging on by a thread and don't know how to get out of it? With a post, "feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown and want to drive as far away from here and never come back." Can you imagine posting a picture of the scale with a caption, "yep, gained another 5 pounds and feel miserable, who's with me?"

*sidenote- I just wrote another example that made me laugh out loud but couldn't post it because there might be such a thing as too much honesty!

Anyway, this is all leading me to consider how authentic of a person I am. I'm a true believer that we all learn more from hardships than any success we've gained. Everyone finds comfort in someone else's misery. So why aren't we sharing our miseries? Seriously, I'm asking. I don't have the answer. Is it pride, embarrassment, humiliation? Do we want people to think we are better than what we really are? Mine is most definitely pride. There, I said it. I'm a prideful person. I hate for people to think of me as weak or needy. I hate depending on someone else. I'd starve myself if it meant proving a point that I don't need something. Ok, that's a lie. I love food too much but, you get my point! I am the type of person who's bucket gets filled when someone tells me they are proud of me or I did a good job. I guess that never really goes away. My Mommaw, who you will find that I will reference a lot, God rest her soul, used to tell me that it was important to be just as pretty on the inside as the outside, if not more. So in a society that seriously cares more about appearances, myself included, I find this extremely difficult. How am I ever going to be authentic if I care more about what people see, than what they know is true in my heart?

So here is what I can promise you. I promise to be completely authentic once a week while I continue to write. I wonder if I can do it. Will it help me make a difference in myself and the way I relate to others? My sole purpose is to become someone that I'm proud of. After all, if we can't be proud of ourselves, then who will be? As adults, it's not very often we feel proud, we are too busy comparing ourselves to others, and complaining about what we want, deserve, and are entitled to, instead of enjoying what's right in front of us. My first step is growing in my faith. Let's see what happens. Maybe it will inspire others to be more authentic as well. Hopefully this will be a place that people feel more "normal", whatever that is, and not a place where you have to keep up with society.

MY FIRST AUTHENTIC CONFESSION:
I am on a cleanse and trying to lose 15-20 pounds. This is my third product I'm trying because let's face it... Cleansing and dieting is not for me. I'm mortified at the thought of putting on a bathing suit and hate being naked. For those of you who want to judge me because I'm not as big as you and you'd "give your left leg" to be as "big" as me, well, medium girls have body issues too! My issues aren't any less "real" than yours.

*oh man, I'm afraid I just offended so many people. Yikes!



Five minutes after I wrote this, someone pointed out all my typos. So, I fixed them. Thanks, Mom!