Mrs. Stan has something to say

I am writing today with a very heavy heart. There are so many thoughts racing through my mind about how to approach the following events.

Obviously after I told my mom the news, there were a lot of "talks" and discussions about what was going to happen next. I was raised to believe abortion was wrong. In eighth grade I even did a mock debate about pro-life. It was easy for me to not even consider this as an option. Stan felt the same way. There was no way he was going to "kill his own baby." When he got home from his basketball tournament he asked me to come over so WE could tell his mom and dad. I'm still not sure how I got suckered into that. So we sat down in the kitchen around a little table and he told his mom. Her response, "well, (big sigh), we'll have to take one day at a time." My reaction (on the inside), well, that was easy!! We got up from the table and that was the end of it. Are you kidding me? Did she hear us correctly? That went way better than when I told my mom! Stan and I went off and it seemed as though things were going to be okay. I actually felt a slight glimpse of excitement. The hard part was behind us. Again, my naivety was blinding.


A few days go by and my parents sit me down to have a "talk". They decide to tell me that it will be in my best interest to have an abortion. My jaw hit the ground. WHAT? You guys don't even believe in that! They continued by telling me all the sacrifices I would have to make and the struggles that ALL parents have, not to mention a 16 year old. I had my whole life ahead of me and this was going to ruin my life. You can imagine my surprise. Who were these people? Were they crazy? How could they ask me to do such a thing? Before you start judging them, remember the fear they had. They were trying to "fix" a situation and keep me from growing up so early. They weren't ashamed of me or worried what other people would think of me or themselves. They were simply trying to keep me from the hurt and devastation of becoming a mother at too early of an age. And they were right. I had NO idea what kind of sacrifices were ahead. I most certainly had no idea what kind of hurt was in front of me. I left the conversation feeling completely lost. It was crazy that they were suggesting such a thing! I told them there was no way in hell and I could do it on my own. I didn't need them. Ha! I was going to need them more than I thought.

I stormed off to my room and called Stan to tell him how terrible my parents were. He agreed. He told me there was no way I was going to have an abortion. He was going to tell them off if they suggested it again. Ah, wasn't he so supportive? (sorry, sarcasm is so addicting) I come home from school the next day and my mom tells me we are going to Stan's house after dinner to talk with his family. She had talked to Mrs. Stan that day and they thought it would be a good idea for us to all sit down and chat. I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My mom had NEVER talked to Mrs. Stan, this couldn't be good. Stan calls me when he gets home and tells me his mom shared the same news. I expressed my concerns with him in regards to our moms talking. It couldn't be too bad, after all, Mrs. Stan is the one who said we will take it one day at a time. She would talk some sense into my parents and calm them down. In fact, my mom seemed in a better mood already. They must have had a good talk today and ironed everything out. Stan assured me that he wouldn't let anyone yell at me or gang up on me. I told him he didn't know my mom and that he should be scared. He wasn't.

On this evening, we had a terrible snow storm. So bad that school was cancelled the next day. I believe it was so I could recover from the events I am about to describe.

We show up at their house and gather into the kitchen which was the size of a closet. My mom, Mrs. Stan, Stan, and myself sit around the tiny table while our dads leaned up against the counter behind us. Everyone was smiling and saying their hellos and all seemed to be well. Then we got down to business. Mrs. Stan starts telling me that her and my mom had a talk and she really thinks an abortion is the best way to go. Say what??? I had never said a cross word to this woman and was raised to be respectful to adults. I couldn't yell at her like I did my mom. She told me that I wouldn't graduate from high school, I would lose all my friends and oh by the way, Stan wouldn't help me raise this baby. Well she was right about two things. (well, not ALL my friends) I looked at Stan expecting him to raise all hell at the accusations his own mother was making. He sat with his head down. Just staring at the table. All the while, I'm thinking..Say something you idiot! Don't let your mom talk to me like this! I just stared at him, hoping he would look at me and react in some way. He didn't. So I began to defend myself. Mrs. Stan was starting to raise her voice at me and I looked at my mom expecting her to say, "back off, only I'm allowed to talk to my kid that way!" But, she didn't. I explained that I knew I could do it. That I was willing to do whatever it took to graduate AND have my baby. That's when she laid it on me. She tells me that Stan doesn't want the baby and he didn't tell me because I don't let him tell me how he really feels. I seriously thought I was going to throw up. I don't "let" him tell me how he feels? Ok, then tell me STAN, how do YOU feel? Big surprise, he just stared at the table. "See?" says his mom. "I told you!" I am literally punching these keys in anger. Have you ever had a moment where you wish you could go back in time and do it over? I would have slapped her false teeth right across the room:) Wow, that was bad. Sorry. Maybe my honesty is a little too much??? I knew at that moment, I was alone. I was going to deal with this by myself and somehow it was all my fault I was pregnant and if I had the baby it was going to be all my "problem". So I simply said to him, "If you are going to let your mom continue to talk to me this way, then I'm leaving." He looked up. Looked me square in the eyes and said, "There's the door." So, I stood up, walked out the door and got straight into the car where is was freezing and literally wept. I'm serious. It wasn't a cry, it was a sob. The kind where snot is dripping all over and you don't think you will ever stop. It wasn't long and my parents were at the car. Stan came out to say goodbye and tried to console me. Is this guy bipolar? What kind of game was he trying to play? I will never understand. It took FOREVER to get home! The roads were terrible. I wanted out of the car and in my room as soon as possible. I thought about jumping out of the car. No, it was too cold and I hate the cold. My mind was racing with terrible thoughts. I hated my parents, hated Stan, hated Mrs. Stan, heck I even hated Mr. Stan and he never said a word. I hated everyone. But most of all, I hated myself.

We finally got home and I ran to my room and locked the door. I flung myself on my bed and laid there in fetal position praying. Please God make me strong. Please God make me strong. Please God help me get through this. Please, please, please. I'll NEVER ask for anything else. Get me through this! And then there was a knock at my door and I heard my mom say my name. "Go AWAY!" I'm never coming out of here again." "Open the door, Rebecca" she replied. I opened the door and laid back in my bed burying my face. I couldn't look at her. I wouldn't look at her. She had betrayed me and I'll never forgive her!! Then she said the best words a mother could say to her pregnant 16 year old daughter. "Rebecca, you are not having an abortion and we will never talk about it again. I hope you know I love you." She closed the door and I thanked God he had given me a little sign that I was going to be okay.

It is very important that you understand how much it pains me to write these things. My parents terribly regret their actions in the heat of their pain and worry. My mom told me once that she was sorry she ever asked me to even consider such a thing. I don't blame my parents for reacting the way they did. My parents never acted ashamed of me or Kailynn. They are both proud grandparents and are very proud of me for making the decision I did. I would even venture to say they are proud of me for sticking to what I believed in. After all, that is the way they raised me! Where's dad#1 in all of this? He was 4 hours away without a clue. I was about 5 months pregnant when I finally had the guts to tell him.

Today I confess: Even this did not make me realize that Stan and I weren't going to be together forever!!

P.S. I love you Mom and Dad